Wicked Butterfly

love is a terrible thing

it forces us to open ourselves

feel what we really can feel

until the point of no return

love is a terrible thing, yes

we look into the eye of the loved one

& we just see.. our own heart

into our lover’s chest

pounding & beating endlessly

scattering words & breathings

that they both share

…

hurt like hell

sharp pain in the gut,

as i watch you leave

.. as i read your words

as i still taste the sweetness of your lips on mine

but find my hand empty

as i reach out to touch yours

Sometimes I feel the darkness within me
I can touch it. It smells like glue
Wish so much your lips weren’t so blue
Though killing me would set you free?
[Understand me, is it so hard?]
Darkness attracts light from others
Only for a limited time
Limited range of access
Then it fades away, as surely as dust in the wind
[Try to feel what I feel, for once]
Shivering from every pore of skin, my mind ablaze
Spots of sun on the floor, such as blood from the morning sin
The mourning sign
Interact as if nothing ever happened
“Now death will occur slowly. Pardon me if I’m still breathing.”
[Shivering like blood wind]
Collapse your breath… Entangle those ropes around my wrists, slither my neck
«L’Enfer froid de solitude ne se tarit que lorsque je ferme les yeux. De peur, je me recroqueville et pris je-ne-sais-qui. »
Between my heart and my soul, shoot to kill
Burn everything
Prevent me from thinking
Especially about you
Because you do not think about me
It swallows me
I disappear from the surface
From every other place your hands ever laid on
It’s a tougher burden than what I’ve figured before, being alone
Trying to be intact so my shoulders are always available for people to shove things at
Helping fixing others, but can’t fix myself
The darkness, it invades me
I was buried alive in it before I even crossed the living border
«La solitude se recroqueville en son linceul. Et la laisse seule. »

Those things hidden inside you
So deep you’re unable to unveil them,
Reveal them for fears to be misunderstood
Betrayed and stabbed with the trust that took so long
To establish and keep

What about me? I doubt there is something about me?
I’m just the tip
Of a much more
Bigger scheme
Beg not to shine
Nor can I be uncovered
For I am… just a fuckin’ crime.

a heart of stone

a heart of stone
can heal no soul
nor can it be understood
when one can only sink further
burn these wings for which i shall
never fly & feel
liar is your designer
you never were deeper
deceiving is the answer
for all that matter(s)
for nothing you’d share
something you’d care
about

05.19.09

About death…

death is only granted to those who’ve learned enough from life.
if you do not die, it means you still have something to learn [about]
if you kill yourself, and are not ready to die, you’ll end up haunting living people.

05.24.09

Remove the traitor from my chest
Hurry, before it’s too late
Before I feel
Before I need..
I’m screaming.. drowning in the mirror
Of my perception
Tired.. so drained.

I have given everything .. every single ounce in my body I have given to you. Every drop of blood I sweat for you.

I made you bleed. I hit you, because it was enough. I had enough. I couldn’t.. let you.. again.. no.. not again.. I don’t want.. another bullet to go through my chest.
I want my armor back. I want my STRENGHT back
You fucking thief!

You fucking asshole… fucking.. traitor. liar.. promises.. never held .. always.. treated me..
Too much I endured for too little I had back in return.

And.. I loved you.. but I need to RIP the traitor from my SKIN. Take that knife, and finish the work, would you?

I want you to know.
What you did to me
I hope you’re fucking happy, now.
I hope you’re fucking DEAD, now
I want you to hurt, like you hurt me

Taste your own medicine
See the blood in your hands?
That’s me… was me.. in you.. in me.. forever..

Though I had you. How come we used to think we’d belong to each other forever? How come .. you made me hate you?.. Feel numb for you?..

Tried to save you.. but you don’t even want to save yourself! Old story, but new pain.. I had to know you. I have to go back to that. Being ripped apart.. watch yourself carefully in the mirror.. ‘coz I’m gonna be right next to you..

May 18th, 2008
Québec
For the one I gave everything for.

With a slice
Of life
I might
Be able to fight
The evil inside
Of me
The evil that never
Feared the reaper
I wish that your absolute
Become obsolete
I wish that your clash
End up with a flash
Like my life
Like I might
This poetry
Has now got the best of me
I can only be
Like you wanted me to be
The monster in me
The monster you see !

From the archives of 2006.

Do you often feel like you’ve missed something your whole life?
Do you feel regrets toward things that you haven’t accomplished?
Do you feel like you should not be in the situation you’re in right now?
Do you even remember what it was like to be happy, living a simple life?
I just want to know..
I am just tired
So tired
Of constantly waiting
After something
Something better
Stuck.. in the middle of two contradictions
Two hard-felt emotions, like black and white
Sucking what’s left of my vital energy
Little by little
Consuming me
Desecrating that part of me
That little part
That had hopes
Big hopes
Now I feel soulless, pointless..
Why am I here?
Why does I feel.. these things?
Ugly things creeping inside me
Like snakes of negativity
I am an unbeliever
If so, a nonexistant being
I believe in nothing
But myself and fate
I can be my only guardian
My only saviour, is myself
Not some faceless stranger
Who comes from nowhere
And pretends to know me
Here I am
Waiting
For the answer
To come…

This is where I should be
This is where I used to be
Her lips on my shoulder
Her eyes, heavy, on my back
Laid upon a bed of desire, it’s ironic.
We used to hate each other
we used to hurt, stab, scream and swear
now we just fuck in silence
so-called life
just an empty shell
load up and.. shoot, at least it will fill up the empty air
hypocritical being, never was authentic
what does it mean, anyway?

void.. i scream, but nothing comes out
it’s stuck in me
erratic breath, soon comes to an end
hysterical laugh, echoing in my head
my eyes, bloodshot, glancing at you through a veil of white pain
a snowflake in a sea of blood

drinking makes me wanna cut myself again
i just wish i could feel
like normal people do
but i don’t… drowning slowly in a sea of loneliness/emptiness

it’s like a house of shame
where you hide to show
your true selves
you true innerguts

i just want to feel again
what’s it’s like to be

alive

I feel.

I don’t want to. Wait. Bleed. Believe.. Standing side by side with nothingness & decadency : a new way of believing that there is something. Out there.

Grasping slices of .. tasty silver bullet.
Through lips and chin that spoke silently too much.

Way of behaviour.

Just wanna cut up the traitor and
suck it dry.